Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
