I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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