I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize