you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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