I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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