I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i barfeds in our rink
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
