Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
