I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
