is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
