I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize