I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
