So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
