I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize