I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this hospital has no fireball
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
