Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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