Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
