also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
