Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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