I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
