Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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