hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
