Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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