the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
