You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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