Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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