i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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