She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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