Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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