where does the pee come out of this thing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
