shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
