do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
