I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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