You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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