do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
