My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So squirting runs in the family.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
