how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
