I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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