Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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