I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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