like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
