that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This baby is an asshole
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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