We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
