well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
