Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
