You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
