I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
