My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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