I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize