i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
