I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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