sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
