HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
