god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize