did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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