Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
