it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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