I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
