Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
