He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
