And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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