the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
