I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
