She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
