bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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