I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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