he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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