i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
