a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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